Jedi Mind Tricks

Four Jedi Mindtricks That
Didn't Work Out,
and One That Did
by Syg Pound

Waitress: Here's your ticket. I'll be
your cashier when you're ready.
Me: This meal will be free.
Waitress smiles, then walks away and
whispers something to her manager.
They both watch me.
***
Bank Teller: It says there's a hold on
your account.
Me: There's no hold.
Bank Teller: It says right here that
Dewey at the fifty-first street bank put it
there yesterday, due to insufficient
funds.
Me: Oh.
***
Rick: I need you here at 7:30 tomorrow
morning.
Me: You need me to come in at ten?
Rick: I said 7:30. Why don’t you
open your ears, jackass?
***
Jared: I'm done proofing the issues.
Me: You're fired.
Jared: Yeah, right. I'll see you tomorrow.
***
Shoe Girl: Here are the shoes you're
looking for.
Me: These aren't the shoes I'm
looking for.
Shoe Girl: Oh! I'm sorry, I thought.
Me: Why don't you try looking in
the back?
Shoe Girl: I'll go look in the back.